MEDIATION v. LITIGATION – DIVORCE WITH A HEART
If you are considering divorce or dissolution, you will ultimately get to a point where you decide which route your family will take. Are you going to litigate and let the courts decide, or is there a chance that you can mediate?
When I first began practicing as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, I worked very closely with other mediators and initially came to two conclusions. One was that I didn’t want to be a mediator (an opinion that has changed a full 180 degrees). The second major conclusion, however, has remained solid, that mediation is by far the best choice for a couple to negotiate their divorce settlement.
Life Changing Decisions
My own divorce was initially a litigated divorce, which caused it to drag out FAR longer than it needed to. Eventually, my then-husband and I ended up in a room, at the courthouse (which we were paying both attorneys for, by the way) coming to an agreement between the two of us. However, there were errors and mistakes in judgement that were made due to the “divorce fatigue” that we both had, especially me. I just wanted it to be over, and that is not a good place to sitting when it’s time to sign the final papers.
In a litigated divorce, everyone loses. It costs a fortune, takes forever, and decisions are left to a judge who doesn’t know you or your situation and really doesn’t give a darn either. Life-changing decisions are made in a couple of hours and you may or may not get a chance to even explain your side. It’s brutal, demeaning, adversarial, and ultimately largely disappointing.
I now happily serve as a divorce financial planner and mediator, or a neutral guide for couples through their divorce discussions. It is definitely hard work, but now that I’ve been doing this for years, it is clear to me that this should be the primary way that people are allowed to divorce or get a dissolution. It promotes understanding, outcomes that work for everyone, and removes the limitations that might otherwise be imposed by overly restrictive laws. And, it helps to eliminate “divorce fatigue.” A mediated divorce settlement has the opportunity to be whatever works for the parties and their children. It’s in everyone’s best interests. It saves literally thousands of dollars in costs and encourages a working relationship that can extend post-divorce. The inherently adversarial nature of a litigated divorce often destroys any respect the parties had for each other by the time the decree is finalized.
Use A Mediator If You Can
If you’re considering divorce or dissolution, make every effort possible to attempt mediation to work out the details. A mediator will help you bring in any necessary experts and a good mediator will always recommend that you have any documents reviewed by an attorney before filing and you should absolutely take that advice! A good mediator will also encourage you to seek advice from a financial planner, especially a divorce financial planner who has the CDFA® (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) designation. How can you know what a particular settlement means to you, if you haven’t done a financial plan that includes cash flow modeling into the future?
As I always say, you only have one opportunity to get it right and you can’t afford to make mistakes or make decisions based on emotions. But you CAN make the process respectful and efficient. And, some form of alternative dispute resolution is, in my opinion and experience, the only way to go!
Contact us at Divorce 20/20 with any questions on how we can help you see your future more clearly and prove to you that there is a better way to get divorced.